TA Away Game Travel Guide to Seattle

09 May 2011 12:04 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)

—by Andrew Brawley

How do I even approach preparing an away guide to our rival city? It’s not that far away, so chances are we’ve all been there at least once outside of away game travel scenarios. Some of us are even former residents...some left by choice, some did not. That city is currently home to what is likely to be our favorite NFL and MLB teams, but also formerly to a hated rival NBA team that left for some town in the Dust Bowl region. Above all of that, however, is that the city is home to our biggest rival (sorry Vancouver, but you’ll always be in second place for that discussion).

The team with a minority ownership stake held by a game show host.

The team with the marching band.

The team with blinding kit colors and a racerback design.

The team that even non-Pacific NW supporters groups go out of their way to hate.

The team that is not worthy of mentioning by name here.

Rather than take the easy-and-biased approach and hate on the city with a major superiority complex, I figured I’d take an objective path and highlight the finer things that Seattle has to offer. Seattle and Portland share a lot of commonalities. Naturally, I believe that Portland’s offerings in the majority of these categories are far superior. However, I can say without any doubt that there are just some areas in which we’ll never be able to usurp Seattle’s throne. Below, with head humbly lowered, I submit this list of superior places to visit in Seattle.

  • Like music? Of course you do, and in Seattle, there’s an abundance of it. So if you wanna buy some CD’s, head over to Best Buy. There are four locations throughout the Seattle metropolitan area to serve your needs. They carry a wide array of music, ranging from bands like Linkin Park and Disturbed, to bands like Korn and Papa Roach. They got it all. No Seattleite purchases music without going here first. Don’t skip this music Mecca!
  • Ah, food. Over the past few years, the Pacific Northwest has become a haven for its innovation in the culinary arts. We are so lucky to have direct access to the pristine coastal waters and its glorious bounty. To sample the finest of Seattle’s seafood offerings, you should check out Red Lobster. With only a few select locations in the metro area to choose from, you’ll likely be waiting more than just a few seconds to get through the doors.
  • Not everybody likes seafood, but everybody likes to try something new. If you’re feeling really crazy, head over to the Westlake Center Mall and throw down for some authentic Italian fare at Sbarro. Don’t be fooled by the other surrounding outlets in the food court area. This is the real deal. You’ll be blown away by the size of their pizza slices. Hold it next to a baby’s head...I promise you the pizza will be bigger.
  • While you’re at the mall, you might as well do a little shopping. Disregard that pesky Washington state sales tax and buy some one-of-a-kind jewelry at Claire’s. Their wide range of accessories will make even the most cynical 12-year-old girl blush with glee. In addition to boasting a massive selection, they’ll even offer to pierce your child’s ears right there in the store. Share a bonding moment with your child as a highly skilled worker places a snapping metal object onto your child’s ear lobes and BANG! Memories for a lifetime.
  • But this trip isn’t just for the kids, right? Mom and Dad need some cool new gear, too! When you’re done at the mall, head on down to Old Navy. They got clothes in all kinds of cool colors like red, green, blue, purple...the list goes on. And if you like words on your clothes, especially the words “Old” and “Navy,” boy are you in for a treat. You might never leave!

Since most of the TA have chosen to travel to Seattle in one large group (via a staggering 10 buses) to this match, they probably won’t get to partake in the aforementioned places. With that in mind, here are a few key points of interest to look at as they make the drive up I-5 to the stadium:

  • It’s been said that reading is the key to a solid education. So for the avid readers out there, check out the barrage of billboards along the freeway to Seattle. You’ll learn all kinds of neat things about what Jesus has in store for you upon His return. Plus, the Tea Party has a few choice messages for you along this route as well. Pay close attention in towns like Chehalis and Centralia. Pulling over in these towns may lead to a message that is personally conveyed to you by the locals!
  • Bus trips can be hard on the body, so it’s helpful that the Washington State Department of Transportation has strategically placed multiple rest stops along I-5 to assist in the safety of your voyage. These rest stops boast numerous amenities, but nothing can top the multi-stall bathrooms. If you’re lucky, you might find a bathroom with more than one working toilet. Consider yourself blessed if you locate one with an automatic flush feature and a hand sanitizer dispenser nearby. Before you leave, don’t forget to drop some coins into the vending machine, where you can choose from a massive selection of healthy snacks like Bugles, Combos, Funyuns, Cheetohs, etc.
  • When traffic starts to clog and the road gets a little bumpy around Tacoma, put down your various beverage cans and cleave your boredom in half by taking in the view around the world famous Tacoma Dome. While you may not be able to see what’s going on inside the udderly majestic arena, there will likely be some cool activities going on outside. It’s never a bust at this place. This arena’s parking lot really racks up the outdoor activities like roller hockey tournaments, skate jams, motocross demos...all kinds of events that appeal to a diverse audience. But if you just have to know what’s going on inside, just read the sign out front, next to the freeway. As if Seattle didn’t already have enough cool things on its own, Tacoma (and its dome) is clearly nipping at their heels in the race for who has the coolest stuff.

Well I think I’ve covered everything Seattle has to offer. If you need more than this, you must be a high-maintenance person, because Seattle has it all!

Travel safely.

Comments

  • 11 Jul 2016 8:46 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    PUZLD says:
    Monday, May 9, 2011 at 8:30 am

    If I were younger, I might consider Retiring in Portland. Keep calling yourselves weird, so no one else can…
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:46 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Ryan Pollard says:
    Monday, May 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    @PUZLD

    LMAO is that a Portlandia reference? Way to keep it original. Why not just say “put a bird on it” and go for the throat?
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:46 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Ryan says:
    Monday, May 9, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Hey Andrew, I don’t think you meant to use “udderly” in reference to the Tacoma Do— oh wait I see what you did there. Well played sir.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:47 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Matthew Anderson says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 10:28 am

    @Ryan

    How does the word “udderly” even make it past spell checks? Can it even be a word?This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this neologism.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:47 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Matthew,

    while not technically a recognized word in the English language, it is frequently used in product names and such. Plus, I needed it to along along with the “theme of that paragraph. Good eye!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:48 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    @Ryan

    I knew I could count on you to discover that AND point it out.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:48 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Charles McGlynn says:
    Monday, May 9, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Well done sir. ;-)
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:48 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Mike Aguirre says:
    Monday, May 9, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Very nice. Would read and LMAO again.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:49 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Roger Anthony says:
    Monday, May 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Brilliant job, Andrew. Good call on Sbarro, too.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:49 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Gary says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Wow, for a brief, horrified minute I actually thought you were about to give props to some things in Seattle. Fantastic. Good show!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:49 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Queso says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 10:12 am

    When you started with the record shop, I was about to say, wtf, no Easy Street Records. But then I read the whole article, and was like… oh I get it.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:49 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Jon Pauletto says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Well Done!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:50 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    tyler says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    sooo washington has the same lame things that every other state has and you are pointing them out to be funny? whats the point of this? yeah we get tacoma sucks and sbaroo sucks. neat.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:51 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Why must we hate so much? says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    This just makes me sad. I love Portland. Used to follow the Beavers closely and have enjoyed many beers while spending a sunny weekend down south. What I want to do is think this is some sort of really clever “we like to poke fun at Seattle, har har, but we’re all chaps” but the tone of this post and other banter on forums make me wonder what it means to actually be a fan.

    Anyway. In a fit or rage I decided to do this. Makes me laugh.

    http://goo.gl/d7tEX
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:51 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Dave says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    @Why must we hate so much?

    If you put a bird on a picture of the Sounders fans it still wouldn’t be artistic.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:52 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Mike says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Go put a bird on your travel guide!!

    http://goo.gl/2qyS7
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:52 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    @Mike

    I’m disappointed in the comebacks referencing Portlandia. It’s low-hanging fruit as far as we’re concerned. However, we will give you a mulligan.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:53 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    EKM says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Tyler–you missed the point (and so did many others–c’mon people!). This parody is just trying to say that Seattle is an ordinary city…nothing special. I grew up there and now live in Portland; I can appreciate that both cities are wonderful to call home, have a lot of great, unique things about them, but also enjoyed this comical read! It speaks more to the competition that most Seattlelites and Portlanders ‘like’ to pretend as nonexistent! Go team!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:53 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    NoBirds says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Oh yeah…and the marching band thing: no one likes it in Seattle either. But at least Seattle doesn’t have a mascot…AHAHAHAHA…what a joke.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:54 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    @NoBirds

    If you’re a member of Gorilla FC, you are entitled to retract this statement.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:54 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Timberbhoy says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    As a Timbers fan in enemy territory (I live in Olympia) I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post. You did forget one thing:

    For an authentic, homemade Seattle Sounders and other sporting apparel; check out Big Five Sporting Goods in various around the Pugnet Sound area.

    We’re a club, the Seattle Sounders are just another souless sports team.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:55 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Don Allen says:
    Tuesday, May 10, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Bravo sir!!!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:55 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Mike says:
    Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    “We’re a club, the Seattle Sounders are just another souless sports team”…..oh gawd….A little full of yourself maybe???
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:55 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    TimbersArmyCapos-Drums says:
    Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    [bullhornvoice]HOW COULD YOU LEAVE OFF THE AUTHENTIC MEXICAN CUISINE OF TACO BELL? THE BEST BURRITOS WE’VE EVER HAD WERE UP THERE AFTER PICKING SOMEONE UP FROM KING COUNTY CORRECTIONS. SEATTLE HAS ALL OF THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE THAT PORTLAND LACKS.[/bullhornvoice]
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:56 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Steve says:
    Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Really? Lame. So WA has the same chains as OR? Brilliant observation TA
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:56 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Geoff D says:
    Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    Portland has a MLS team?
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:56 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Me says:
    Thursday, May 12, 2011 at 12:25 am

    Was this suppose to be funny?? And why does an immature 14 yr old have a blog, or whatever this yawnfest is?
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:57 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    @Me

    Thank you for thinking I am 14. I need that at my age.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:58 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Just me! says:
    Thursday, May 12, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Sounders till I Die! But i think this is hilarious, a rivalry would suck if we all held hands, admired each other while singing Koom-By-Ya… Good job, keep the banter alive PortScum!!!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:58 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Jeremy says:
    Thursday, May 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    I find the fact that half the comments on this blog from Flounders fans quite a telling statement.

    It means you hit home. Job well done. They know they have no soul and their corporate, plastic team reflects the greater Pungent Sound region and their vast tracks of strip malls and chain restaurants.

    Go listen to the podcast I did with the Extratime Radio MLS guys. When asked for a great place to eat when they are in town I referenced our local burgeoning food cart scene and encouraged them to go local. The ECS wanker suggested a chain that apparently is their version of Stanfords.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:59 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Jack Brando says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 10:29 am

    @Jeremy

    Just want to make sure I get it right.

    Food cart = Good.
    Restaurant that opens more than two locations = Bad.

    Do I have that right?
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 8:59 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    George Slater says:
    Thursday, May 12, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    This whole article reeks of insecurity. Why does everyone from Portland have to hate on Seattle all the time? People in Seattle never even talk about Portland.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:00 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Jeremy says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 11:48 am

    @George Slater

    Your the one replying on THE TIMBERS ARMY WEB SITE.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:00 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Dave says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    @Jeremy

    I just spent a weekend in Seattle. When I told people I was from Portland the reply was “oh i’m sorry, too bad you don’t live in a real city.” Don’t act like you guys aren’t just as bad, it is all in good fun anyway.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:00 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Ronaldo says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 12:52 am

    Thank god Portland doesn’t have fast food restaurants and Oregon freeways don’t have rest stops!! I’m so proud to say that our best restaurant is a seedy donut shop that gives away free STDs with every donut purchase.

    P.s. the reason oregon doesn’t have rest stops on the freeways is because you don’t get tired when you are driving high on meth.

    I love being from portland….
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:01 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    John says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 9:37 am

    I envy you Seattle, Red Lobster AND Sbarro. Well done.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:01 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Bobby says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 10:36 am

    Hilarious. Can’t wait to kick some portland butt tomorrow
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:01 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    thegreatsultan says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 11:37 am

    We are corporate and plastic and a team not a club… sure, whatever you say, cowboy.
    Interesting that there is a “Timber Joey Milkshake” at Burgerville seeing how not only the team but the TA itself is so mighty noncorporate.
    That said, I love the rivalry, keep the banter alive.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:02 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andres says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    I appreciate the spirit of what you wrote, but most of it is totally baseless. I’m from Seattle and have lived in Portland for a couple years. Portland/Seattle are so similar theres really no point in comparison. Also I’ve noticed that most of people in Portland who fit the ethic you seem to be criticizing Seattle for lacking…are not even from the NW.

    I do have to give credit to the Portland fans though, probably the most legit in North America. But Soccer City USA? Really?..about as weak as Rip City.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:02 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    @Andres

    You caught me. Guilty as charged. I’m not a native Oregonian. However, I have read books about your area, and tend to enjoy gathering such knowledge.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:02 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    kutis says:
    Friday, May 13, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    You know the difference between Portland and Seattle? In Portland, the hippies have tattoos.
    You know what’s great about Portland? It’s 150 miles away.
    You know another thing that’s great about Portland? It’s not getting any closer!
    We had a raffle up here in Seattle. Second place was a week in Portland. First place was two weeks in Portland!
    Feel free to switch the names anytime. :)
    Let’s just have fun, ok?
    And the fans are probably the same in Portland as Seattle. But the team name? The Timbers? For a city that flouts there “greenness” to be named after a cut down tree is kinda weird.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:03 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    justin says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    @kutis

    you didn’t really expect them to think things through did you? they only got a team because BIG BROTHER had one.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:03 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    David says:
    Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 2:14 am

    Can’t believe you didn’t mention the ever-present risk of being run over by a train as you approach the Flounders stadium…
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:04 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    justin says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    @David

    you’d have to be pretty fkn stupid to get run over by a train when crossing on a pedestrian bridge. sorry for over-estimating your intelligence.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:04 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Sounders Fan says:
    Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Eventhough I’m in Seattle and a Sounders fan, this was a clever post!
    I’m so glad most of the Californians are in Portland though! Afterall, Portland is for all the Californian pansies who were scared to migrate any farther north! You’re probably from California.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:05 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    @Sounders Fan

    You would be correct. *insert witty comeback here*
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:05 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Mike J says:
    Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Touche’ from a Sounders fan. Well played, little sister (seriously, pretty funny stuff). Speaking of corporate cities, what ever happened to that great local coffee company… “Coffee People,” I think it was. Doesn’t some little company from Seattle own them now? http://www.katu.com/news/local/3934981.html
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:05 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    @Mike J

    Actually you can still find a couple Coffee People outlets at the airport. It makes my travel much easier when I can get a Velvet Hammer milk shake.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:06 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Dan says:
    Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 10:13 am

    You know what Seattle and Portland have in common? Fat chicks.

    Love,

    Los Angeles
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:06 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    matt says:
    Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 11:18 am

    a horrible attempt at satire coming from a town who steals their motto from Austin, Texas. nothing about portland is original, clever, or intelligent. enjoy your stupidity.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:06 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    justin says:
    Wednesday, May 18, 2011 at 9:24 am

    @matt

    hahahahahaha. this is the most true statement on this thread.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:07 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    matt says:
    Saturday, May 14, 2011 at 11:20 am

    i love how timber joey shamelessly wears a leatherman shirt. corporate sell outs.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:07 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    justin says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    POOOOOOORRRRR TIMMMMBERRRSSSS.

    the penis envy in this thread is epic.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:08 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    @justin

    Says the fan from the city that resorts to the size of their stadium in every “my town is better” argument. Same mentality as drivers of Hummers and lift-kit trucks, and we all know what is said about those types of folks….
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:08 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    justin says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    also, you guys totally forgot tips on how to pump gas. since clearly you guys aren’t smart enough to do it on your own that’s why the state had to take it out of your hands.
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:09 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Andrew Brawley says:
    Monday, May 16, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    @justin

    You’ll be happy to know that I successfully pumped my own gas this weekend (I was a local-pickup person, not on the full drive buses). What did bum me out was the price of gas being .04 more per gallon than back in Portland.

    OOOH BURN!!
    Link  •  Reply
  • 11 Jul 2016 9:09 PM | 107ist Admin (Administrator)
    Sara says:
    Friday, September 2, 2011 at 1:20 am

    Really? A rivalry between Portland and Seattle is like two frat boys from different fraternities fighting. They’re both douche bags with “superiority complexes.”
    Link  •  Reply


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